jokes 3

An old Italian Mafia "Don" is dying and he calls
his grandson to his bed.

"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plate
38 revolver so you always remember me."

"But, Grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howz about you
leava me your Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup an'a lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.
You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a bigga home
and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find
your wife inna bed with another man.

Whadda you gonna do then ... Pointa to your watch and say, 'Times up'

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out
making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been
lent out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided
not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for
something in her car that she could fill with gas and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient

Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station,
filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched
from across the street. One of the them turned to the other
and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."